Maiyre Sapde

this is sparta!

2008-12-04T00:04:00.011+08:00

well author one is feeling nostalgic [ dont expect this feeling very often, he's a cold hearted bastard, and at this present moment in time intoxicated and bored ] and has returned from his self-imposed exile from the southern regions of the himalayan mountains where he went to pursue his life long dream, his desire, of playing chess and strip poker with the sherpa's.

shocking indeed.

moving on,

he's decided to come back and construct a slideshow of sorts, about the time the spartan and/or sula fever hit the beloved brotherhood and we, well, did what we did best.

" nnyeeh nyehh ni booo booo, i rage war against the brotherhood! long live angkatan tentera! "

" aish how la like this, pening only "

" you! insignificant worthless mammal staring at me..... "

" ... be a man, get the sula weapons and defend the brotherhood! go! "

" aye captain, sula sheild and broom ready "

" alaamak apa ni brotherhood, guna senjata-senjata semua, tak paya la! aku guna tahi hidung dah cukup! "

this lead the brotherhood into thinking the angkatan was a useless army and didnt have the capacity to rage a proper war,

but in reality...

" eh mok baik kita buat calculations and prepare for the attack "

reports later suggested that the army was actually,

naim was calculating the number of comic strips in the newspaper with his calculator.

and bugis was thinking " if i use pythagoras thereom and daun kelapa maybe i can a make a sling shot big enough to shoot me back to johor so i can visit my ancestors... "

captain mok was thinking " maybe if my smile is pretty enough then i dont have to do diffrentiate the number of rice fields we have and find the angle of flying to the moon.. babi punya add math "

" haiyah no neeeed to prepare la! we semangat!!! "

" aish how la, so tension, they're so confident "

" hehehhahahaho the brotherhood is going to dieeeeeee "

" YOU DARE INSULT YOUR FAMILY. bloody pope, you suffer the consequences! "

and yes, the rest of the brotherhood, with the help of red army tore pope apart and sold him to KFC for meat.

as for the angkatan tentera melayu, they did what they were best at..

sleep.

[ notice rafik's hands ]

take care sweethearts. author one.

Brotherhood Academy Awards

2008-12-01T23:02:00.001+08:00

As mentioned countless times in previous posts, throughout the year, the brotherhood has been involve in some of the class most talented acts of stupidity, insanity, racism, justice, brutality and violence in numerous occasions (in fact in all occasions). Such brilliant display of talent is only comparable to some of Hollywood's most successful movies and blockbusters. It is therefore my honor, to present to u, the Millennial Brotherhood Academy Awards.

1. Best Action goes to Almost Broke-his-back Mountain, starring cheong, kumar and papple.

In the previous post, author-1 gave a sneak preview of the plot. It started on a fine morning, 2 weeks before the start of trials exams, that cheong came with an unusual spring in his step saying, "Hey! Since exams is 2 weeks away, lets perform some daredevil stunts!". Kumar ran and stood by him while papple, seemingly bored of the nothingness in the class, drags himself to join them. Kumar asked, "How we gonna perform these stunts!?" with adrenaline pumping in his body.

Taking into consideration the international safety and care regulations of dangerous and fatal stunts (i made that up), Cheong decided to perform what he thinks is a relatively safe stunt. "Lets start by high jumping over one chair!" All 3 manage to clear the first hurdle. "Lets proceed by jumping over 2 chairs!" Again, all three manage to clear the 2nd hurdle. "Lets stack a table and 2 chairs!" followed by "Lets stack the bookshelf and the table and the 2 chairs!" and finally "Lets jump from the top of the bookshelf, touch the ceiling fan and land on the 2 chairs 3 metres away!" By then, we could hear pope desperate pleas for them to stop such insane acts. Even Nara had to get involve to try to stop Papple from potential suicide. Cheong and Kumar naturally, cheered Papple to do his best and never look back.

Papple took a deep breath, close his eyes, said a word of prayer, and open them. Right in front of him, were a pair of eyes comparable to those of the Dracula. Pn Cheang came right on time before he was about to perform the stunt to catch him standing on the top of the bookshelf with chairs and tables stacked in front of him. The end of the movie is up to viewers to decide.

2. Best Documentary goes to An Inconvenient Truth, starring Cheong and Nara.

Plot revolves around a fine morning when the Saravanakkumar lost his school bag. Apparently, it got stolen by an elf. Unfortunately, on that day, was the due date of the biology SPM PEKA practical assignment. Hence, he summoned Cheong and Nara to his rescue to come up with a con to prevent Pn Wong from coming in. Cheong initially said, "U brainless toasted mutton! Why u lose ur bag now of all times?!" After releasing his stress on Kumar, Cheong decided to help him for this once, his decision partially influence by Pope. Nara was simply summon for his "presidential" looks which will make things more convincing.

The two of them made their way to the staff room and met Pn Wong, the Bio teacher. With a deep breath, Cheong said "Pn Wong ah... Just now Kumar ask me to lie to u. He told me to tell u that everyone in the class is hospitalise for acute dirrhea so that u would not come to class. This is because he lost his bag and along with it his PEKA. Hence, i made my way here to reveal the truth to u. My heart told me what is right and i therefore believe what i have done is the correct thing to do. Thank you for ur time and may god bless u..." As they were walking back to class, Nara asked, "Eh is that what u were suppose to tell her?", he replied, "My mummy say tell no lies :) ".

The end of the documentary... Kumar got a long lecture and ever since then, a bad impression from Pn Wong. The very next period, Cheong got chased around the school by a berserk Kumar holding a machete in his hand.

3. Best Comedy goes to Minority Report, starring Jegan.

This one is a classic. Critics gave it a 10 outta 10. The plot revolves during the time of SPM trials, to be exact the Biology Paper 3, practical report. On that fine morning, it was usual exam tension around the exam hall. The brotherhood was busy studying, with an exception of some members (needless to say who).

Exam started and ended. Nothing particularly interesting happen. As ppl were rushing outta the hall to grab their lunch, the brotherhood had a meeting to discuss how was the paper. Cheong said, "Haiyah, lets makannnnn!", Kumar, "Its over lah forget bout it", Papple, "*shows the middle finger*", Pope, "Eh whats the answer for the experiment regarding the anaerobic respiration of yeast?", Nara, "I think u must use Newton's fourth law of motion." Everyone simply stared at him.

Moving on, they then asked Jegan what he did for the paper. He looked moody and emo. Kumar asked, "Why la u so tension? Its not that bad rite?" Silence... Cheong said, "Dun worrrrrrrrryyyy lahhhh.... Its only biology." Still... silence... Pope then said, "My brother, u must tell us what has happen that upsetted u so much."

Slowly but surely, Jegan open his mouth and said, "I accidentally stapled my favourite tamil love song i wrote on a seperate paper together with the report."

It became an instant blockbuster in SMKSH.

PS: No one ever found out what Pn Wong did with it.

4. Best Thriller goes to SCREAM, starring Kumar and the red army.

Critics have said that the storyline is too predictable nevertheless an enjoyable and heart-stopping thriller. Plot begins, as always, with the main character, Saravanakkumar aka MGR (mamak goreng rebus), doing something to annoy the leader of the red army, Min Feng. However, this film was successful compared to other films of similar genre due to the reality of the brutality and sadism shown in the movie. Its ratings has to be 88-SG. No kidding.

MGR walked in to class one day, with a happy face and happy feeling bcos he recently won a murtabak-eating competition. Naturally, with a person full of energy like him, he had to do something to release all that energy. He began playing basketball in class. He tried and failed to get ppl to play with him. All by himself, he began trying some fantastic michael jordan-like moves, doing moves like 360 rotation dung, under the legs dung, no-eyes dung, flying fox dung, triple sommersault dung and many other dungs (note: dung not dunk, its not a spelling error).

It was fascinating to see such unmatchable and talented skills. The whole class was in awe watching his magnificent moves. Feeling ego-boosted and corky, he decided to once and for all stamp his mark to prove he is indeed the greatest indian basketballer in hartamas (of course he is, since he is the only one). He attempted what he called the "Ultimate Gala gala Hoo haa Rolling Thunder Fire Water Wind Stone Koby-Bryant-also-cannot-do shot" He hung on the fan, ask cheong to on it at full speed, rotated along with the fan, let go, and threw the basketball to the desired target (it was a chair he placed earlier).

Unfortunately, and seriously unfortunately, the ball flew at the speed of sound and hit min feng squarely on his face (min feng was sleeping by the way). He woke up, managed a sadistic smile and *censored*...

The main character's body was discovered in a sewage tank. Autopsy revealed that the cause of death is physical trauma due to the insertion of a large object (the basketball) up the rectal cavity.

Author-2 out~

Cheong's Tuition Services

2008-11-14T01:04:00.005+08:00

To all future teachers and contributors to the respectable line of education, here is an example of how not-to-handle students.

1. Excessive Demoralising

A most prominent method of teaching by Cheong. Simple and efficient. He simply throws a thousand and one insults at a person asking for his help. His logic, they will try harder and prove him wrong.

Kumar: Eh bro, how to do this question ah?

Cheong grabs the book, stares at the question and... "Like that also u dunno ah!? U failed urself, ur family, race, nation and humankind! Quit studying and start sweeping floors!!!!!!"

He obviously did not bother thinking how to solve it, he either didnt know how to or was simply too lazy.

2. Teaching without interaction

Commonly used when his attention is focused on something else. (hot chick, kumar getting raped etc)

Without looking at the question, the book or the person asking, he invents a solution.

Papple: Yo cina, how to do this maths question?

Cheong: *looking elsewhere* Ah.... Very easy... U take this add that substract that square root that multiply the lowest common factor of this then u give it a good shake, say a prayer and u get the answer.

3. Extreme Violence

Usually used when he is in a bad mood.

Pope: My brother, may i ask how do i do this question?

*takes the book*
*stares at the question for 2 miliseconds*

Cheong: LIKE THAT ALSO DUNNO!???!!

*throws the book across the class and down the 3rd floor*

4. Involving Religion

Used when he is extremely tired and sleepy.

Jegan: Cheong, how to do this bio question?

Cheong: Very easy......................... Only one solution.................... Ask god.

5. Not very clear teaching (understatement)

Normally used to act like he knows it all.

Papple: Woi, how to do this maths question?

Cheong: Come my friend, bring it here.

He then spends half an hour scribbling unknown equations and characters on a full sketch paper and pass it to papple.

Papple: What the hell is this!? *written all over the paper was something that looked like ancient mesopotamian characters*

Cheong: The answer lies in it. Somewhere.

The question required two short lines to solve.

Author-2 out~

papple's english essay to pn chua.

2008-11-12T23:18:00.005+08:00

he wrote this essay, one fine morning, intoxicated, stoned and in a haste, papple wrote an essay for his beloved english teacher, entitled " my hobby "

she always insited papple was a lazy boy, intelligent, but never using his talents. after countless lectures, after much pain and suffering, papple decided he had to prove once and for all his worth as a student, and wrote this for his SPM trial exams;

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am thesubject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am openly bisexual and enjoy making out with married men.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have tried on every Durex condom ever made. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toasteroven. I went hiking in the himalaya's with God wearing only pink boxers, slippers and football socks.

I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

nobody knows what happened to her after she read it.

Anti-Racism Movement in 5 Utarid

2008-11-12T19:27:00.002+08:00

Ladies and gentleman,

As we all know, racism has been a constant threat to national and global security though out the history of mankind. Many great and valiant leaders of nations have tried to eliminate racism, however most of them failed.

In the previous posts, author-1 has mentioned countless times, some of the most brutal and sadistic assasinations fueled by racism (most of the time though, it is the brutal and sadistic killing of Saravanakkumar the Brave). Certain measures to forge new alliance and friendship between races have repeatedly been taken.

Following the footsteps of the great leaders, saravanakkumar constantly tried to forge alliance with the red army of 5U (led by the sadistic dictator min feng). One such incident was:

Kumar: Hello min feng.
M.F : Wat u want u roasted soy sauce duck?
Kumar: I come in peace. (showing the vulcan salute he saw in the star trek show)
M.F : Wat hand gesture is that!? U insult my ancestor?!
Cheong: Yes, i heard him say ur ancestors are crippled Martians.
Kumar: What? i didnt say that!
M.F : U come here now!!!!
Cheong: hehehehehehohohohohahahahaha wakakakaka wuhuhuhuhu lalalalala!

It doesn't take a genius to imagine what happens the next few moments and i'm sure author-1 has mentioned something like this before. Well, to cut the long story short, kumar ended up eaten by vultures. So much for "forging alliance".

Eventually, things got real bad. There were 3 military superpowers constantly waging war to one another. Namely, the asokan army (led by we all know who), the red army and the angkatan tentera melayu.

Since not much was previously mentioned about the angkatan tentera melayu, I, author-2 decided to have an interview with the leader, a wise and brilliant Raja Bugis aka Danial.

Author-2: Hello mister Bugis.
Bugis: Assalamualaikum.
Author-2: Do u mind telling what is the objective of the formation of your military?
Bugis: Erm...
Author-2: What is the sole purpose of ur army?
Bugis: hmm...
Author-2: What are ur daily training to strengthen ur army?
Bugis: Sleeping. I think.

From that inspiring interview itself, we can reliably conclude that the ATM is probably the most passive/lazy army in the class or even the world. Therefore, it is obvious that most of the racist wars are a result of the Asokan and Red Army.

As a result, the brotherhood decided to take certain steps to control racism. Papple suggested killing everyone so that there will not be anymore fights. Nara suggested running away from earth. Pope suggested giving a copy of the bible to everyone. Kumar suggested... well enough have been said about him. Jegan suggested something that sounds like nothing.

Cheong came out with a great plan. "Since the class is already so racist, lets make it more racist!" His logic: People will eventually get bored of being racist and will ultimately unite.

It was on that defining moment, the revolution of the Anti-Racism Movement in 5 U began. It become so much of a routine to call each other by their races and not their names, that it became a tradition. Often, rather than a simple, "Hello Kumar" to greet a person, a more emotional, "Yo thambi fried roasted black cincau indian!" will be mentioned. Rather than a simple, "Hello Rajpal", a more complex, "Woi bhaiya hairy dense rainforest punjab!" is mentioned. Rather than a polite, "Good morning Danial", a more brutal, "Woi melayu terlayu gampang!" is mentioned. And lastly, rather than a good old, "Hi Cheong", a more unfortunate, "Oi yellow precipitate banana flavoured icecream chinese!" is mentioned...

It started from skin colour. Then it proceeded to traditional food. "Woi melayu balik makan ketupat lah!","Woi Cina balik makan pau lah!","Woi india, balik makan murtabak lah!" to quote some of the famous remarks made. It then proceeded to anything and everything that relates to a particular race. Great monuments, past leaders, historical contributions, traditional dances, traditional clothings, traditional games... were all used as an insult to another. Even teachers could not believe what they were witnessing.

It was on that fateful day Kumar decided to throw a loud, "Yellow potato chips-man go back China and make more cha siew pau lah!!!", in front of Pn Hazizan (beloved histroy teacher), that resulted in a long 2 period lecture on how racism should not play a part in our lives.

In conclusion, what Cheong had hoped to achieved, to unite ppl after they got bored of being racist, is most definitely not achieved in any way. However, it is not a bad thing. At least, anyone from 5U is immune to racist remarks now.

Author-2 out~

Jegan's Long Awaited Post Part 2

2008-11-11T21:25:00.006+08:00

After much discussion with the soul of author-1, author-2 decided to repost the long awaited post of Jegan so that we can all get to know him better. The previous post simply shows a picture that is suppose to paint a thousand words. However, one would know from the looks of the person in the picture that it only paints one word- LOST.

Nevertheless, Jegan is probably the most lovable and obedient member of the brotherhood. From his cute and adorable looks alone, one would know what an angel he really is at heart.

Unfortunately...

His looks is also his main problem. A typical daily senario in class:

7.45am: The quiet and shy Jegan is sitting in one corner of the class lost in the world of his fantasy of a thousand virgins.

7.47am: The over-roasted Saravanakkumar walks in with a moody face.

7.48am: Cheong ian ty walks in woundering what his right hand man is so upset about. He discovers that kumar accidentally ran over a tortoise while driving and crashed. Kumar feels terribly sorry for what he has done.

7.50am: Cheong ian ty tries cheering him up. "Relaaaaaax lahhhhh.... Its only a car and a tortoise!!!" Kumar says, "Shutup lah i need to release tension".

7.51am: Both of them simulataneously stare at a particular corner of the class where one unfortunate being is about to meet a terrible fate.

7.52am: Jegan is running around the class screaming at the top of his voice. Right behind him is an indian holding a broomstick and a chinese holding a plastic chair.

Pope often asks the brotherhood, "Why would u do such a thing to another human being? U must understand his feelings and how much he is hurt everytime he is chased around the school by two insane ppl..." Cheong and Kumar admits they r wrong... but they cant help it simply b'cos of his looks.

Anoter typical senario:

Cheong: Jegannnnnn!!!!
Jegan: Yes, cheong?
Cheong: I hate u
Jegan: Why, cheong?
Cheong: Bcos u r alive
Jegan: What should i do so that u do not hate me?
Cheong: Kill urself lah!
Jegan: How would i do that?
Kumar: U brainless pork, u want me to show u!????
Papple: (Whispering to cheong)... Just kill him i wanna see someone die today.
Nara: I have nothing to do with this, bye bye!!!
Pope: Listen to my pleas oh my fellow brethren!!! U must not be influence by the devil!!!
Cheong, Kumar: Shutup lah u mad pope.... (Consequently, walks up to Jegan and use him as a surf board down the stairs of the 3rd floor).

For that, jegan is the most patient member of the brotherhood and possibly the most patient human ever lived.

However, there is a saying that "Every man have a breaking point to his patience". The same applied to Jegan. The brotherhood will never forget the one fine day Jegan reached his tolerance limit. Many eye-witness (including the brotherhood) mentioned it was as if armageddon or D-Day has arrived. Cheong mentioned his famous line, "Hari Kiamat sudah tiba". (and this time he really meant it). Saravanakkumar compared the enormity of jegan's eruption to that of a star's supernova explosion.

It all started on a fine morning when cheong and kumar (again) decided to throw various insults to the poor person. Well thats not too bad... They then began to throw rubbish to the poor person. Well it still aint that bad... They proceeded by emptying the contents of the rubbish bin on the poor person. Hey, that still alrite lah... They next used him as a football target practice. Well, thats bad but aint too bad... Finally, they hit the limit when kumar decided to throw him down from the 3rd floor to see what happens.

The next few seconds was blur but it seems that there was a bright light erupting from jegan and an explosion. Cheong and Kumar never touched Jegan since... (well maybe for 2 days)

Moving on, as mentioned previously by author-1, Jegan is probably older than a sea turtle simply b'cos he celebrates his birthday 364 times a year, and the one day he does not celebrate is his actual bday (bcos cheong ian ty does not remember when is it). This tradition is started by cheong ian ty, in a way to torment pn chua, the only human being who would kill ppl who sang the happy bday song. Cheong has repeatedly tried to figure out why, in the end papple concluded that she had a terrible memory on her bday, probably she saw someone singing happy bday to her and that person eventually got struck by lightning.

All in all, Jegan is definitely the member of the brotherhood which is the most patient and lovable of all. He should never have been victimised by one such cheong ian ty and his right hand man. They deeply regret and r terribly sorry for whatever they had done to him and making his life in school a nightmare. Ladies and gentleman, lets all hold hands and stand in a silent prayer for this amazing human being who carried himself with integrity, principles and moral values throughout his life. Wait, why does it sound like he died?...

Author-2 out~

New Author

2008-11-11T20:47:00.004+08:00

Ladies and gentleman, due to unforeseen circumstances, the previous author known as author-1 has evaporated b'cos he accidentally fell into an incinerator. Therefore, a new author known as author-2 is now the main author of this godforsaken blog.

First, let me introduce myself. My name is author-2, my father's name is daddy-of-author-2 and mother's name is mommy-of-author-2. My father is a real estate investor mainly in the area of the moon. Therefore, i live on the moon. My mother is a professional moonwalker. Her job description is mainly walking on the moon.

My hobby is assasinating mosquitoes. I use a spear to do it normally. My second hobby is flying kites (unfortunately the moon has no atmosphere, so my mommy blows the kites). My third hobby is watching the sunrise and sunset (unfortunately, im blind partly b'cos i watched too many sunrise and sunsets).

Ah yes, how am i related to the brotherhood and all its insane acts of justice/vengeance/mischief/tormenting of teachers and last but not least assasination of an unfortunate being by the name of Jegan. To put things simply, i am saravanakkumar's forefather, cheong ian ty's greatgrandbrother, rajpal singh's hockey coach, pope's beloved ex-husband, narashyman's kindergarten teacher and jegan's nightmare.

I look forward to serving this blog, and hopefully i will not meet the same terrible end as author-1. May god bless me, this blog and jegan.

Till my next post, author-2 out~

tales of a sacrificial lamb

2008-08-13T22:17:00.003+08:00

viva la jegan.

can you handle the darkness?

coming soon.

jegan's long awaited post

2008-07-09T22:51:00.006+08:00

he looks like the kungfu panda wouldnt you say?

since we can all agree that a picture is a thousand words, this article would have been a total of 1030 words, and that would probbably be the longest entry thus far. enjoy.

cheong is going to murder author one.

been nice knowing all of you.

1042 words.

jegan can wait a while more.

2008-07-01T15:19:00.006+08:00

needless to say, it indeed was the time of our lives.

introduction part 2.4

2008-06-20T05:10:00.009+08:00

meet rajpal " papple " kuckreja;

unfortunately ladies and gentlemen, due to a lack of photographic evidence, there's a probable cause to believe that rajpal never actually existed as a member of the brotherhood and that he is a mere fragment of our vivid imagination.

however, after much investigation, eye witnesses have managed to conjure up an image of papple ;

we believe he is armed with a scythe and some spastic device which can produce flame.

thats generally how rajpal a.k.a papple, yadapal, madaple, gandhipal, gandhiple, lalapal, lalaple, motherpal, fatherpal, and the other 14 thousand nicknames created and endorsed by cheong ian ty was perceived to look like.

after much work of course, they stuck with papple.

thank god.

moving on,

papple wasnt the most involved member of the brotherhood. he was pretty much feared by every member as they had some insane notion he might one day rise up with four demon riders from hell and initiate apocalypse.

as our wise-lack-of-religious-beliefs-monk, cheong ian ty said " he'll end up a murderer or assassin "

on occasion papple was involved in what you might call 'brotherhood daily activies', and what most of you might regard as acts for the general madman, we look at it more like the chicken soup for our soul. papple was cheongs number 2 when it came to cutting class [ number one was always kumar because cheong will leave him behind to get caught ] , or the time when the brotherhood wanted to join the circus.

it was simple really, cheong came to school with an unusual spring in his step and decided " hey, since exams are only two weeks away, lets stack tables and chairs and jump over them or do other things that might break our bones"

kumar ran as fast as he could and stood by his captain.

papple dragged his stoner face and joined them

as expected, nara said " i dont anything to do with it. put each of his hands on his respective ass cheeks and hopped away"

pope started with a usual " you mussnnnttttt do thingggs like thissss "

as for jegan, lets just say he was in some dark corner pleasuring junpeng's balls.

ill let you ponder on that.

obviously enough cheong paid no attention to pope's pleas and started of with one chair and two chairs and gradually started jumping over the teachers table and then progressing to multiple tables and chairs and combinations of more than one.

as you'd expect, pn cheang walked in the back door just as papple was about to perform superman over a table and a chair and jump onto another chair.

pn cheangs eyes become the size of fishballs and her face became tomato red. i was wondering if i had paused time and walked up to her and pricked her face with a pin, would she have exploded?

moving on, papple was 9 times out of 10 the general savior of the brotherhood [ by savior i mean use such monumentally challenging vocuabulary on low IQ teachers to turn the tables on some innocent bystander; eg; kumar. kumar, and kumar ]

usually when anything was papple's fault he'd somehow wiggle and con his was out of his temporary bind and get someone else into trouble. he was a survivor.

then again thats how the term punjab conman came about and everyone was weary of crossing his path as they'll somehow in the most impossible way get into trouble.'

he did however pay his debt by protecting kumar during one of his attempts to get himself assasinated by pn chua for not bringing any of his books whatsoever on the due date to hand them in to be calculated into our examinations, papple managed to bring up so many questions that pn chua completely forgot she had a class to teach or the fact that she was even a woman as she'd be drawn into some alternate universe of conversation. and yes, that one time, she spoke for 45 minutes to papple.

it is believed a percentage of his brain had died and his ears were bleeding.

as usual, cheong was laughing away.

other memorable rendezvous with pn chua would be during the time no one wanted to hear about the english exam format for the 40 billionth time [ i mean its somewhat of a prayer, each lesson she runs by it once, which takes about 30 minutes ] so instead papple started asking questions which had nothing to do with anything with the aid of cheong and kumar and after about 25 minutes or so;

pn chua; " YOU BETTER STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! iknow this is just to waste time isnt it. "

ah yes, on average she would spit out 32 "isnt it"s in 60 seconds.

the brotherhood was also pretty fond of papple's beard. as none of them had the capacity to grow their own [cheong] , all of them [ cheong ] would stare at his beard as if it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. his eyes would light up as if its the first time he got excited by porn, there would be a pedophilic smile across his face and as his hand reaches out to obtain his desire papple swats him like a fly and then kumar says something like

" oi chiense no respect for papple's beard... "

nara: " eh ya papple how you grow your beard so long "

and the next two odd periods are spent discussing the beard.

introduction part 2.3

2008-06-14T13:48:00.007+08:00

meet narashyman " krupster " krup ;

yes, he's the pretty boy who loves his ass.

most of krup's senior high school life was spent talking to pope about religion, red hot chilli peppers, kumar's misfortunes, and another 40 billion other random things.

its hardly an exaggeration, for example,

at 8am;

mg looks up and hears them discussing how to make tomato jelly

at 8.05am;

mg looks up again and hears them discussing the appropriate way to smash a guitar on stage

at 8.07 am;

mg doest bother looking down anymore and continues listening to them discuss why R2D2 was a better sidekick that frodo's friend from LOTR, sam.

at 8.09am;
why mont kiara has a best sewage system in the galaxy

mg stares in disbelief, looks at papple, and then hops away to ruin someone's morning.

other examples of random things would be the 400 times he asked papple about his beard, nara would suddenly get a wahyu to keep his beard, he discussing everything there is to discuss about a beard, grooming, styling, colouring, conditioning. and after he grows a nanometer long goatee, he thinks he's accomplished a feat equivilant of climbing mount everest.

next day, he complains about it being itchy, the following day its gone.

a fortnight later, the process begins all over again.

for those of you who lack the capacity to watch good movies such as thank you for not smoking, nara is somewhat like that guy. he's the brotherhood's representitive and our people's relations executive.

unfortunately, 9 times out of 10 he's just a pretty face and papple has to be sent in.

both krup and papple were the brotherhood's lawyers and on a daily basis would have to save kumar and cheong from being crucified by teachers.

nara did justice to 5U, as he and aqeel would go to look for pn cheang and always say " teacher, nobody in class today" or " teacher * insert some bullshit excuse* "

when in reality the brotherhood were in class jumping over tables and chairs, recording our audition tapes for the circus. literally.

nara krup was the least involved member of the brotherhood next to papple in the sense that the both of them would observe the menace of one cheong ian ty and his other slightly darker half. he generally had a " i dont want to get involved " attitude.

for example, during a usual perang cheong-kumar 2008,

he's not as manly as you think he is.
this picture combo actually shows nara running away from battle.

photographs dont lie, nara.

nara had a distinct capability to, how would you put it, go with the wind?

papple: Real Madrid's the richest club in the world

nara: ya madrid's the richest club in the world

kumar: no la rubbish mu's the richest club in the world

nara: ya papple, mu's the richest club in the world

cheong: haiyah! mumbai fc's the richest club in the world

nara: ya la mumbai fc's the richest club in the world.

30 seconds later

nara: " eh you know lebron james weighs 72.167 kg and his height is ... "

one last hurrah of your beloved nara-shy-woman would be when the brotherhood tried to form a band. it was mg' on table drums. cheong on finger table drums, pope on pencil sticks and air guitar. papple on vocals. and nara on tambourine?

well initially we gave nara drums, cheong's logic was indian = good beat.

nara failed so badly, no amount of words can describe it.

so we gave him the role of exotic instrument in our song " cheong tong king kong "

we gave him a lead box.

so his job was simple enough, shake the godforsaken lead box when required. each time he was supposed to, he was either talking to jegan, staring into space, rubbing is ass, playing with is non-existant beard.

we fired him from the band. not in a conventional way, of course, cheong chased him around class with a stick.

we love nara's ass.

introduction part 2.2

2008-06-10T19:10:00.011+08:00

meet rouvin raj pope mark lazar,

that photo pretty much sums up the way pope would've been described. see behind this drawn out smile is really a cynical smile with vampire fangs covered in blood.

pope tends to mediate racial wars or general bashings of anyone in 5U.

naturally , he's our pope.

but you cant help but feel each time he fails in preventing the extermination of kumar or the brutal raping of one cheong ian ty, he gets a sense of pleasure and joy in watching these people suffer.

and he bursts out into a diabolical sadistic laugh just like the cartoon villians on disney channel.

photographs dont lie, pope.

its hard to truely tell if our almighty humble and peaceful pope did/did not find solace from the downfall of the leaders of racial wars, or if he had been poisioned by the evil blood of the brotherhood.

pope generally spent his time entering deep sexual or religious debate's with papple and cheong, or discussing the utmost random and out of this world things with our own resident narashyman krup.

an example would be once when the entire brotherhood was bored of pn chua babbling infront of class about the exam format for english for the 600th time, so we were on the topic of masturbation. cheong read on the internet that it was good and decided to gather the brothers to discuss.

as you might expect, pope did infact shut his ears and sang red hot chilli peppers songs to himself.

he often massaged cheong's growing hatred towards school and its administration, so you could really and safely say pope was the generally all round nice guy.

but just like kumar, pope too had a distinct and profound capability, and his was to "get caught between everything"

dont quite follow?

remember scary movie four, when shaq and dr phil got trapped by the scary tv clown and had a 120 seconds to to get the antidote if not they dissolve from the inside out etc etc.

yeah, see dr phil has apparently been a nice guy all his life but he still got trapped in some dugeon by a clown and had a wonderfully capable shaq with him to continuously miss the basket and had to saw of his leg and still died.
if pope was dr phil in this case, there's a very very realistic chance the dimwitted shaq was nara.

moving on,

despite pope trying to prevent wars from occuring, the brotherhood and the other cults in 5U had been too industrialised to want to back down. like george bush, they couldnt keep it in their pants and someone had to be bombed, just to look like you did something cool as president.

cant get your enemy? oh well, lets just kill the guy that tried to stop the war.

during one of kumar's daily attempts to get himself killed, he decided to walk over to ming feng and insult his ancestors.

kumar: " ming feng you white dog your chinamen so brainless eat rice with chopticks "

ming feng: " eh indian what you said to me? "

*pope runs over like a little girl "

pope : "wait wait waittttt, you musnttttttt figggghhttttt"

pope: " lets talk about this "

30 seconds later, pope's running away from kumar armed with a broom and a dustpan.

familiar sights and sounds ;

if im not wrong thats pope collecting his belongings from the dustbin after he saved kumar from being assassinated with the sula stick.

cheong sent the message out loud and clear, killing jegan is the most important thing. stop stopping me.

kind hearted soul, pope was. he brought balance and a miniscule of justice to the brotherhood. without him, and i quote from cheong ian ty,

" kumar would have run over some old lady with a car "

" nara would be in some jungle teaching yoga "

" papple would be a murderer"

" jegan would be in india moping floors "

god bless him.

introduction part 2.1

2008-06-08T23:43:00.015+08:00

meet saravanakkumar;

only sweet mother of jesus knows what he's doing

its amazing how kumar is still alive. honestly, not because of global warming, or muggers, its a miracle how he survived high school life in smksh.

he was a fine young lad till the day he walked into 4U in 2006, a shy, timid character, who i had the privilege of sitting next to for a couple of months, he was very jon-alphonsus-like, which was pretty cool indeed. one day that all changed, the day he met his other half, the yin to his yang, mr cheong ian ty.

indeed these two revolutionists deserve much praise for all their racial unifying work they have done. the way they managed to bond races together. amazing.

but with all good, comes evil.

in a way, depends entirely on how you look at it, cheong ian ty can be regarded and kumar's downfall or uprising, i mean he only, like everyone he knows gave him a nickname(s)

where to begin, hmmm,

we'll start with mamak goreng, copper 2 oxide ( a black compound ) , cincau ( black jelly ) , michellin ( black tyre ), black dog ( obviously enough a black dog ) , bitumen ( the black stuff that makes our roads ) , charcoal , 8 ball ( the black ball in pool ) , black dulux paint, carbon and well everything and anything else black that you can think off.

you cant say its mean, he had it coming.

kumar has a distinct and profound capability to do what we regard as " self destruct "

for example; during pn cheang's add math class,

this would be your typical daily scenario;

* pn cheang walks in to see kumar doing some stupid dance infront of class and gives him ' the stare' *

pn cheang: saravanan! go sit down!

kumar runs back to one of his 35 seats he has in class ( yes he's a nomad he has no actual seat )

10 minutes later

pn cheang: ' you alllllll didddd your homeworkkkkkkk? '

class : * inaudible babbling *

pn cheang: " let me check!!!!!!!!!! " ( she's like a kid high on weed )

* kumar struts back to what he considers his seat next to rajpal and digs his desk to look for his book*

kumar: ' eh papple have you seen my addmath book "

rajpal: no

kumar starts yammering away about how he had 12 hours of addmath tuition yesterday and he forgot to put his book in his bag because his maid feeds him bad food so his brain cant function etc etc etc

* rajpal manages to dodge pn cheang by running over to the dustbin to ' throw some make believe rubbish' *

pn cheang: SARAVANAN where's your homework?!?!

kumar: erm pn cheang erm erm see, what happened was ....

pn cheang: saravanan! i am VERYYYY disapointed! im going to call your father.

*cheong laughing away*

example 2,

addmath class on an entirely different day and month;

kumar : " pn cheang! rajpal copy me! "

pn cheang : " kumar you shaddap or ill throw you out of my class"

yes thats despite him always getting straight A's for addmath. poor boy.

moving on, example 3;

kumar had this particular dance, where he shakes his ass similiar to shakira which really got on cheong's nerves, as in kumar would pinch cheongs nipple and shake away which annoyed cheong even more.

the ass shake

( trust me its way harder and way cooler than it looks here )

this one a million shakira ass shake copy is actually one of the many reasons kumar got battered by ming feng's red army.

example 4 of kumar's infamous self destruction,

one day cheong and kumar had ponteng-ed class to walk around and explore school.

obviously they were supposed to be in class.

cheong saw mr yew.

he ran.

kumar, not so much.

mr yew saw kumar and decided to go on a student hunt. armed with his sweets, pen and notebook, he thoroughly did a 'rambo' and went to capture his victim.

and yes in an hour or so he was outside 5U and pulled kumar out of class and started the lecture any discipline teacher would give an apparent delinquent student.

as usual nothing happened to cheong.

example number 5,

add math class, again.

ming feng sat right infront of pn cheang, as in, the front row in the middle of class.

he and kumar were yelling across class, all the racial taunts and every other taunt you can imagine.

pn cheang " saravanan you better shutup or ill throw you out of my class "

kumar: " but teacher...ming feng... "

pn cheang: " NO ! "

as expected, nothing happened to ming feng.

poor ol' kumar got it real bad in his day didnt he. as for his cartoon and morally questionable acts during exams, well, we all did it. thus forth i shall not elaborate on the extend, as im sure there are many many worse.

in simple terms, i see it as kumar is the unlucky version of cheong.

yes they both did stupid things, yes they both grabbed balls and pinched nipples [ not girls, they were both 100% pure homosexuals ] and did a shitload of other acts worthy of jackass, but the only difference is kumar always got caught.

lets see some of his victims would include;

what looks like paul

jun peng

kumar was kind enough to repay jun peng for allowing him to torment him with a song, a lovely one indeed,

"jun pengs balls"

jun peng's balls jun peng's balls ;

one big and one small ;

one so big, one so small ;

just like panadol.

you'd have to be a fool born out of spite by your parents just to show you how cruel the world can be if you dont believe kumar, despite all his very apparent bungles, that he has an astounding amount of courage and determination

to be the best at what he does.

he helped ian put out TWO make believe albums, maiyre sapde and karma will get you back. amazing records.

he collaborated with cheong to release tatuta [ lalapal version ] , bailamos remix and papple version, get low [ papple version] , check on it (pink panther soundtrack)[papple version] and another 14 million papple songs.

god have mercy on his soul everytime he goes and tries to fightt 5 chinamen with a broom.

he represents the asokan army and the brotherhood a little too literally at times, by literally i mean fight wars by himself.

he loses 99.99% of the time , but his spirit never dies.

p.s. the 0.01 % of the time that he does win, the red army would have their revenge during the next period in the most violent, brutal, sadistic, inhuman way possible and yes, they rape the living life out of him.

introduction part 2 ( meet the brothers )

2008-06-07T02:10:00.010+08:00

meet cheong ian ty ;

generally and widely accepted as the c.e.o, chairperson, captain and founder of the brotherhood, he's a pioneer of his era.

lets see, he made racial taunts acceptable, he indirectly created three, yes three different racial cults; the red army, the asokan army and the angkatan tentera melayu. he's a smart man, no doubt about it, he always goes to the side thats winning. i mean, wars in 5U were not hard to win, the asokan army a.k.a the indians of the brotherhood, would go up against the red army led by ming feng.

this is your typical daily scenario;

cheong: " ming feng, kumar said your mother looks like a roasted duck "

kumar: " you shaddap la you apek jual keranda "

ming feng assumes apek is directed at him, therefore summoning the red army to attack the asokan army.

pope would discuss with nara about preventing this war, and since nara has the attention span of a glass of soya bean, they would talk about preventing the war for about 30 seconds before;

nara " eh pope, you know micheal jordan is 7 feet 2 inches 1 cm and 2 nanometers tall"

pope stares in disbelief and then they begin to discuss something random like how many times jar jar binks fantasises about pamela anderson or how many elephants can fit into a lightbulb.

rajpal would continue his broody schmoody ways, occasionally eavesdropping on the two most random people on earth and suggest the save kumar.

in the meantime, kumar's already halfway acorss class trying to fight 5 chinese men with a broom.

we look at him, watch him scream. and get brutally raped by 6 chinamen. begging for dear mercy.

and then go back to what we were doing.

and cheong obviously sits and laughs while doing the bhangra dance.

please note: throughout the entire war, the angkatan tentera melayu would be asleep.

yes, that is cheong ian ty, our fearless leader.

so, cheong ian ty pretty much deserves credit for some, rare things, one giving everyone nicknames.

i mean to the general public, whatthefuck is a rajpal? papple is his name.

secondly, he made tong hua a smksh hit.

he popularised sula. fucker.

he made tamil insults a requirement in daily conversation. maiyre sapde was said more often than goodmorning

he made the single biggest controversial yet revolutionary hand symbol since hitler.

meet "you wait"

yes, its so revolutionary that it has a name. for example, anything and everything aqeel [ who was assistant to cheong until cheong got fired as ketua, omg, aqeel was pretty much tortured to do everything. and anything that went wrong cheong would instantly " cikgu aqeel yang patut buat" ]

poor man aqeel, he had to run a whole class by himself while cheong and kumar played with each others peanuts.

credit to cheong though, he did one thing every single day, which was YELL out the duty roster.

and everything and anything that needed to be cleaned, sweeped, moped, dusted or blowjobed, you'd hear the loudest JEGANNNNNNNNN!

example ;

on monday

*cheong walks up to the duty roster*

JEGANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

sweep the floor

jegan : but im supposed to wipe the blackboard

cheong : then why you holding a broom?!!? you stupid isit?!! you got brains or not?!

3 seconds later

JEGANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

jegan : "what ?? "

cheong : go wipe the windows

jegan : but im doing the blackboard

cheong : NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

another thing about cheong, he always and forever remembered jegan's birthday. i mean he easily made the whole class sing to jegan about 150 times a year. i mean, thats a 150 birthdays, and i doubt jegan is going to be as old as a sea turle. but yeah, obviously enough, he completely and entirely forgot jegan had a real birthday and we never wished him.

he made it up though donttt worrryy [ another popularised saying by cheong ] he single handedly made jegan win most popular guy in form 5 for our polls.

sweet man isnt he?

last but not least, i mean, our captain has battled through, torn shoes, tight clothes, bad haircuts, ball grabbing, nipple crippling, sula's, and many more, but the one battle he never won,

the battle with his biology textbook.

yes, what he would do is sit literally RIGHT at the back of class, his back pressed against the wall, he would read his text book in silence.

in peace and quiet.

in solitude.

its the time he and his text book become one.

upon finishing a chapter, he would do the review questions, and when he and the book didnt agree on the answer:

cheong:" *smacks book* you stupid isit? "

book: * silence *

cheong:" you shaddap la you're wrong "

cheong: *checks answers again*

cheong: " FUCK YOU LA " *flings book across entire class, until it reaches the dustbin*

boy did he and the book have a good relationship.

tatuta

2008-06-06T02:53:00.002+08:00

have fun reminiscing the old times people. :)

cheong and kumar's first single on the song, of their proposed second album, " karma will get you back "

the album cover features cheong's stolen toilet slippers from cameron highlands floating in the ocean after a tsunami hit him and he died. yay.

their song, tatuta (lalapal version)

tatuta im a little bhaiye,
tatuta my name is rajpal rajpal eh,
tatuta, i am coming from the punjabeeeyoo,
i am wearing turban on my headdeeyoo,
arre' kuta kuta bayieeyo

well at least thats how kumar made it sound. no official lyrics release.

but as an eye witness, he and cheong do dance like that crazy pot smoking dude in that video.

the brotherhood, introduction part 1

2008-06-06T02:19:00.001+08:00

so basically, after very little thought and consideration into the possible outcome of this entire operation of blog creating and posting, which i believe would be a rare, short and not on-going process, we, namely author 1 and author 2 decided to pay tribute to the brotherhood.

the brotherhood

the brotherhood consists of 6 permanent members and about 40 other wannabe/makebelieve/ partial/ occasional members. screw them ya.

permanent members!

1) cheong ian ty aka apek jual keranda ( captain and founder )

2) saravanakkumar aka mamak goreng (mg), cincau, Copper 2 oxide and everything thing else thats black ( vice captain and general victim )

3) mark lazar aka pope ( peacemaker and usually gets caught between everything )

4) narashyman krup aka krupster ( part of the peace corp as well, but pretty useless as he lets pope die alot )

5) rajpal aka papple, lalapal, rajapal, madapal, yadapal, and the other 41248956 nicknames cheong has blessed him with

last but not least

6) mr jegan nithinandan, hope the spelling of that is right, if not, too bad for you, go suck your mum's cock.

basically jegan is the heart and soul of the brotherhood, i mean without him, all of cheong's attention is focused on kumar only. this way we get variation. its simple really, in 2007, jegan had 300 birthdays, where each and every of those days the brotherhood would sing and celebrate the second any and every teacher would walk in [ elaboration on the series of events with our beloved pn chua in future posts ]

but yeah, jegan's real birthday, was in those 65 days.

together the brotherhood broke brooms, stuffed sticks up each other's asses, took songs and modified them beyond measure, revolutionised hand movements, created unity among one lost chinese [ cheong ] and 5 indians, broke chairs, use tables as drums, went a whole day calling each other the worst possible racial insults ever, never did pn chua's homework, occasionaly did other homework, made songs about jun peng's balls, grabbed balls, smacked asses, pinched nipples , jumped over tables, broke windows, stole windows , copied in exams with 400 page text books, had a whole buffet in class at the back , brainwashed a sexy egyptian, a shitload of other nonsense which i cant remember at the moment.

and all in our spm year.